Dear America - your independece is revoked

contact · Post by **contact** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:21 am

Dear America,

In the light of your recent failure to elect a member of the human race as your
President, and thus be in a position to sensibly govern yourselves, Her
Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II hereby gives notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective today.

Her Majesty will resume monarchical duties over all states and your new Prime
Minister (Tony Blair, for the 97.85% of you are unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. Your so-called
President will return to more suitable tea party duties at the local zoo. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid to the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are
introduced with immediate effect:

* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look
up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide - you will be amazed at just how
wrongly you have been pronouncing words compared to the rest of the English
speaking world. You should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and ineffective form of communication.
Look up "interspersed".

* The term "US English" will cease to exist. There will just be "English" -
note there is, and never has been, such things as "UK English", "Australian
English", "Outer Mongolian English" etc, etc (it's just been you versus the
rest of the world and your 'divide and rule' policy simply has not worked). We
will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

* You should learn to distinguish between English, Scots, Welsh, Irish and
Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

* You should understand that Bulgaria is not part of Sweden.

* Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast non-American actors as the
good guys.

* You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only
after carrying out task one. We would not want you to get confused and give up
half way through.

* You will no longer be allowed to play 'American football'. There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as 'football' is not a very good game. The
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have
noticed that no one else plays 'American football'. Instead you should play
proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is not a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby, which is similar to 'American football', but does not involve
stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour (look up
"armour") like nancy boys. For those who will insist on carrying on playing
'American football', note that the term will be illegal and the new name will
be 'Nancy boy popcorn & hot dog show'.

* Take a tip from the Aussies (that's people from Australia for the uninitiated
- look up "uninitiated"). You can actually be proud about having no culture. If
you must make your mark on the rest of the world, do what they do by hammering
cultured nations at sport (and by that we mean sport that everyone plays),
out-drinking them or by taking the p*ss out of them. This is far better fun
than blowing up tin pot nations.

* You must learn to drink properly and that the alcoholic content of beer is
usually well over 4%, not around 1.5%. In future American strength beer will be
referred to as 'nancy boy crap'.

* The term 'God bless America' will be outlawed. Every time you get an urge to
say this you should alternatively use the equally heart-jerking phrase "Anyone
coming down the pub?" This is an equivalent phrase commonly used in the rest of
the English speaking world.

* All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own
good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

* The phrase 'American Dream' will be replaced by 'World Reality'. If you have a
problem with this, simply utter those magic words "Anyone coming down the pub?"

* The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 3rd of November will be a
new public holiday. It will be called "Stupidity Day".

Thank you for your co-operation.

DCrazy · Post by **DCrazy** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:22 am

Lame.

JMEaT · Post by **JMEaT** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 6:27 am

Dear contact,

Crossposting is lame.

Thank you.

Topher · Post by **Topher** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 6:27 am

Haha, someone needs to spend more time getting a girlfriend than worrying about some country that he doesn't even live in does.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:13 am

fvck the queen

Nitrofox125 · Post by **Nitrofox125** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:22 am

phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=4465
phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=4471
phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=4494

roid · Post by **roid** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:30 am

haha cheers

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:30 am

If she wants us, she knows where she can find us. Come git it.

Cuda68-2 · Post by **Cuda68-2** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:43 am

ya know - it seems like the rest of the world insists we reform to there standards. But accuse us of being offensive because we dont do as they command. Bleh - GO BUSH GO!!

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:34 am

Hey I have a GREAT IDEA!!! Why don't we (Americans) take a poll from the other countries on all issues and just do what they want us to? That way we would get along with everyone and have that nice tingly (fairy) feeling and not have to worry about what other countries felt about us.

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:06 am

booo @ this thread

p.s. i can outdrink an aussie anyday

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 1:02 pm

We kicked your asses 225 years ago, and it looks like you still can't get over it.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 3:40 pm

You know...*removes kid gloves*

I really can't take a country seriously when they've had a monkey like royal figure in Prince Charles waiting for the throne for decades and our monkey has only been President for 4 years.

As dignified and proper as the royal family is they sure look more like imbred backwater rednecks then some of the people in the states who ARE inbred backwater rednecks

Only thing that saves them is their very pompous english speaking skills. I do love British accents, they amuse me but it still can't hide their lack of a spine sometimes.

Nobody outside of England really cares for them because everyone knows they're just showroom peices these days. Their established and long standing Monarchy is nothing more then decoration today. When the Prime Minister and Parliament all take care of the important issues you know you've been reduced to window dressing status

Besides, old Charles and dear old MUM sure looks like they keep getting wheeled out of the casket for important events.

That really takes some work. Cadaver management is so hard to find these days

[spoiler]disclaimer: I love you flabby!

[/spoiler]

Top Wop · Post by **Top Wop** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 3:55 pm

Stupid thread.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:04 pm

Haha- contact you got PWNED!! (No need to hide behind a mask)

Mr. Perfect · Post by **Mr. Perfect** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:09 pm

So is this just some moron who's going around the internet posting carbon-copy posts on all the fuoms he can find, or is this some regual in disguise?

Robo · Post by **Robo** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:47 pm

I will defend the UK till death, leave it alone

God Save The Queen.

Hostile · Post by **Hostile** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 6:17 pm

pawn jump queen......

Darkside Heartless · Post by **Darkside Heartless** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:28 pm

All I can say is...

never insult an entire country, it's not a good idea

Vertigo · Post by **Vertigo** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:57 pm

Jeez, lighten up will ya

I thought it was rather funny.

Of course, i don't look at it as biased as you do, since i'm a part of the so-called eurotrash

Seriously though.. try to take a joke NOT seriously for a change.

Spaceboy · Post by **Spaceboy** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:04 pm

i think contact's gay

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:49 pm

Yeah, he propositioned me the other day ... I kicked his @$$ too

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 10:02 pm

I think a nice beating should be interspersed throughout the day for arrogant cowards.

Hostile · Post by **Hostile** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 10:03 pm

bishop jump queen.......

roid · Post by **roid** » Fri Nov 05, 2004 10:42 pm

since it's not as obvious to americans: as a forigner, this thing is more funny than anything else. don't take it seriously, it's humour. the only thing that suggests to me that it's actually serious is that it was cross posted, and that's generally only done with serious things.

the pub references are the crux hint within.
it's not serious. it's pub chatter for laughing with/at.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 1:28 am

you know what's really funny is if they replaced 'america' with 'canada' you guys would be laughing your asses off.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 1:54 am

Tricord · Post by **Tricord** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:07 am

I'm sick an tired of you americans being sick and tired to be laughed at and be criticized by the rest of the world!

Seriously

Hostile · Post by **Hostile** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:23 am

Knight jump queen.......

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 6:52 am

contact wrote:Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby, which is similar to 'American football', but does not involve
stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour (look up
"armour") like nancy boys. For those who will insist on carrying on playing
'American football', note that the term will be illegal and the new name will
be 'Nancy boy popcorn & hot dog show'

True True

but the correct spelling and meaning is NANCE, and ARMOR...

BTW the only two real sports are Soccer(aka Football) and Hockey
(PS Hot Dog is an american slang, ok beotch)

Sage · Post by **Sage** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 8:16 am

Ferno wrote:you know what's really funny is if they replaced 'america' with 'canada' you guys would be laughing your asses off.

maybe there's a reason.

Robo · Post by **Robo** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 9:45 am

Ferno wrote:you know what's really funny is if they replaced 'america' with 'canada' you guys would be laughing your asses off.

Probably true.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 10:27 am

Ferno wrote:you know what's really funny is if they replaced 'america' with 'canada' you guys would be laughing your asses off.

I find that funny and would certainly LMAO.

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 12:42 pm

Iceman wrote:Yeah, he propositioned me the other day ... I kicked his @$$ too

...

that's an interesting culture youve got that. beating up your future lovers

OD-Black_Fire · Post by **OD-Black_Fire** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 12:55 pm

Top Gun wrote:We kicked your asses 225 years ago, and it looks like you still can't get over it.

They are also pissed off at the Mexicans also

Deadmeat · Post by **Deadmeat** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 2:26 pm

Nah, they're just pissed off about losing the Empire. That's why they won't get their lame a**es out of Ireland.

Tricord, don't go gett'n your Belgian Britches ina Bunch. We really don't take all the badmouthing all that seriously. Hell, if we did we'd all be in a freak'n nut house. And please note that all the badmouthers still want us to cover their butts should the excrement hit the vertical oscillator.

"cadaver management". Now, that's funny. I've felt the same way for years. Course, we have somewhat the same thing here, but every four or eight years we can kick the sumbeotch out and pick on someone else.

Oh, and haven't I seen this same thread, or something very similar, posted on the internet before. Old stuff, still somewhat amusing.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 2:44 pm

BUBBALOU wrote:BTW the only two real sports are Soccer(aka Football) and Hockey

x2

Mr. Perfect · Post by **Mr. Perfect** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:49 pm

GANG BANG!

Spaceboy · Post by **Spaceboy** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 6:53 pm

...contact hump queen... king jump contact...

Sirius · Post by **Sirius** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:41 pm

I remember this joke... in a very similar form... from four years ago.

Seems to come up every election... heh...

Dear America - your independece is revoked

Dear America - your independece is revoked

Re: Dear America - your independece is revoked

Re: Dear America - your independece is revoked